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Julie’s Jabbers: I Want My MTTV (Medieval Times TV)

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(Getty Images/Oli Scarff)

(Getty Images/Oli Scarff)

juliefisk Julie Fisk
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I went to Medieval Times for the first time ever this weekend. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t enjoy it or that I was too cool for the whole thing. The truth is that I had a blast and was cheering on my knight in a goofy paper crown along with everyone else, but one question kept flashing through my mind.

Where on Earth do they FIND these people?

I mean, it’s a massive venue FILLED with people dressed and speaking like they’re at a Renaissance Festival. If you AREN’T at a Renaissance Festival, where do you find a Princess, or a Falconer or even a Knight for that matter? Is there a school for these people that we’re not aware of and if so, what are the classes like? Better yet, what do the TEACHERS look like? Do they all have long flowing hair and carry a mace? Please tell me they do.

I was asking myself these questions while dining on Baby Dragon and Dragon Eggs when I had what might be the best idea EVER. Why isn’t there a reality TV-show about “Medieval Times?” We could finally answer ALL of the important questions, like WHY does the King sound just like John Cleese or how do they choose which knight gets to win? Does anyone ever get hurt and where are they finding Baby Dragons? I also think it’s very important that we know exactly who has slept with whom and if any of that is still currently going on. I imagine something like “Game of Thrones” but as a reality show and with much more gratuitous nudity.

There would OF COURSE be the story line of the Green Knight & how he falls for a much MUCH older married mother of two. She would be flattered of course, but then break his heart gently while French braiding his hair.

I would watch that show. Wouldn’t you? So get to work on that Bravo or Discovery or maybe even E! That would give you something to replace those tired Kardashians. And please call ME if you need any help with this. After all, it is MY idea. I could carry the boom mic or be a runner. Better yet, what if I give ALL of the knights French braids?

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