She Mail: Woman Seeks Help Dealing With Toxic Best Friend
Julie Fisk is here to help. If you’ve need advice or want us to hash out a problem on the air for you, let Julie share some of her wisdom.
I’ve had a friend for about 20 years who is constantly in some kind of trouble. She’s that person who always makes bad choices, dates every loser in town and takes advantage of friends & family. She’s never held a steady job, she lies, cheats and steals from others (including me). My whole life I have tried to be the one person she could count on, who wouldn’t judge her. I’ve bailed her out of trouble, helped her get away from abusive men, and tried to be her rock in the hopes that one day she would finally get her act together. We lost touch for a while & just reconnected, but she already wants to come see me. Her boyfriend broke up with her and she’s lonely & needs a friend. She has also already asked me to wire her money…twice.
I know she sounds like a terrible friend, but I have such a history with her that she is like family to me. I worry so much about her & want to help, but I also can’t trust her.
How do I find the balance between being her friend and supporting her, but still protect the life that I’ve built here?
A Victim of BFF Abuse or BFFA for short
We (and most all of our callers) agreed that you need to either let this person go or set some very strict boundaries. You’ve given her plenty of chances but she has taken advantage of you and has no self-control. I also assume that, since she’s 37-years-old and STILL hasn’t gotten her act together, this won’t be the first time she’s been given some tough love. Tell this friend that you can be there for her emotionally but you won’t be giving her money or a place to sleep. It won’t be easy but it’s the best thing for the both of you. Hope that helps & please keep us posted!
Remember, if you ever need help or just want us to hash out your problem on the air, contact us at: KVILShemail@gmail.com.