Zazza Mornings

Julie’s Jabber: An Open Letter To Male Strippers

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Fisk-Personailty-Icon Julie Fisk
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The Bourbon Ladies Night

(Photo by Patrick Riviere/Getty Images)

I was watching “Magic Mike” the other night because it was on HBO and because…well surely I don’t have to explain to you WHY I was watching “Magic Mike.” It actually wasn’t my first time. I saw it in the theater with my gay boyfriend Kyle, which is how you should enjoy ANY male stripper experience.

Anyhow, it reminded me of my 30th birthday party when I went to a charming little place called “La Bare.” It’s where men take off their clothes and pretend to be interested in women who hold out money. It was your typical 30th birthday party, with drunk women, a limousine, screaming…a real classy affair.

Once the LaBare boys found out it was my 30th, they pulled me onstage. A man whose stage name was either a sexual reference or a power washing company, proceeded to give me the most humiliating sexy-good-time I’ve ever experienced. It all happened so fast, I barely remember what took place. I DO know it involved performing simulated acts with this man while my friends watched in HORROR. The big finale occurred when he thrust his business in my face over & over again at a high rate of speed. I tried to be a good sport about it but I was so embarrassed. My friend Mindy took pictures of the whole ordeal which, to this day, I will not look at. In fact, if they ever see the light of day, I will dedicate a whole blog to her called “People Who Are No Longer My Friends & Why.”

I was shocked though, that a business dedicated to giving women a “sexy” experience could be so far off. There are few things less sexy than being embarrassed in front of a group of people, much less the whole crotch-to-face thing . I haven’t been back to a male strip club since.

We had run out of excuses to go anyhow, since everyone had gotten married or turned 30 by then.

So imagine my surprise when I was watching “Magic Mike” and even HE was doing it! The “Sexiest Man Alive,” was dry-humping some woman’s face. Even Channing Tatum thinks it’s okay.

It’s a practice that occurs in every male strip club around the world and no one has ever told them that women don’t like it? I’ve conducted an informal pole amongst my girlfriends & have yet to find one who enjoys the face-to-pelvis thrust.

IF you are a woman who enjoys this, please speak up now or forever hold your peace.

Otherwise ladies, it’s time to make a difference! Make a change for the better! Let’s create a better and more fulfilling male-strip-club experience for the women who come after us!

It’s time to stop Male Strip Club Face Humping once & for all! Who is with me?

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