She Mail: Reaching Out To Birth Father
Julie Fisk is here to help. If you’ve got an issue or problem that you need some advice on how to deal, let Julie share some of her wisdom.
Here is this morning’s question:
Dear Julie –
I am 44 years old and have never met my biological dad. I never had a desire until recently. He is getting older and I am curious to why he has never wanted to meet me and why he never paid child support.
My mother is the problem. She told my aunt that if she ever found out that I was trying to find him she would disown me because she would be so hurt. My brother met him about 20 years ago and my mom didn’t talk to him for about 7 years after that.
So I don’t know what to do.
Some of my friends say go meet him to put my mind at rest and some including my husband say let it go and just forget about it.
Any help would be welcomed. I’m soooo confused!!!!
This is a tough one D because it sounds like if you go through with this, you’re going to hurt your Mom’s feelings. And Jeesh! She didn’t talk to your brother for 7 years? The woman knows how to hold a grudge.
Here’s the thing. At some point you have to live your own life. You’re a grown woman and you’re right. Your Dad is getting old. You might be running out of time to meet him and if you lost that chance, how would it make you feel? If you want to reach out to him, then you should do it but be honest with your Mom about it. Tell her what you’re doing but prepare yourself. She is going to be upset, and meeting your father might not bring the closure you’re seeking. If it will answer some nagging questions for you though, then you should definitely reach out to him.
In fact, let us know how things turn out!
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