Top 5 “Real” (Fake) Reasons For Today’s Earthquake

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As you probably heard today, a massive 5.9 magnitude earthquake, sourced outside Richmond, VA carried tremors all the way to New England.  We’re pretty sure “the scientists” will have their reasons for the earthquake (probably something all “science-y”) but we’d like to postulate 5 other earth-shaking reasons this quake could have happened… Check out the list, then vote for the best reason YOU can think of!

5. Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith Split Up

The split of one of Hollywood’s most famous– and well-paid couples was pretty earth-shaking news… maybe their earth-shattering split was the real cause of today’s quake?

4. Kim Kardashian Got Married

Yea, we know Kimmy K. actually got hitched over the weekend, but maybe the Powers That Be didn’t hear about it until today… It was pretty big news ever since Kim and Kris announced their engagement, and perhaps the end of coverage now that the wedding has finally come and gone left a void so deep in the gossip world that plates shifted and well, a quake happened!

3. Terrible Movie Remakes!

Is it really a coincidence that this earthquake hits within days of the release of not one but TWO mediocre movie remakes underperforming at theaters?  Both Conan and Fright Night failed to catch any box office numbers, and with everything from Footloose to Total Recall on the short list for sure-to-be-terrible remakes coming soon, perhaps the quake was divine intervention, a message telling Hollywood it’s time for some original ideas!

2. Amy Winehouse Was Clean?!?

We don’t wanna overstep our bounds– we still miss Amy something fierce– but her initial toxicology was released today and when the singer passed away, she was clean of any and all drugs! That’s the most Earth-shaking result we can think of, due to the late musicians’ perpetual struggles with substance abuse.

1. “Science”


Alright, we’ll admit, maybe the seismologists are right and this quake occurred the same way as others in the past, thanks to shifting plates on the Earth’s crust. This Site make a pretty good argument for science as the culprit for today’s rumblings…

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